no, apparently not.
billions or trillions (perhaps) have lived before you. they have settled some rules. some of those rules makes perfect sense, some needed struggling to understand. the world is old and the wisdom survived are the ones that are true... i guess... look at me, trying to express my understanding of the world.
anyway.
miss manchester very badly today. found these pieces of memories just now:
hp studio tour, england vs spain, wwf save tiger, postcard from imee, self reward for 2nd term (wake up at 7 sleep at 1/2 the beginning of classical music fondness), autograph from an arsenal player, highest roller coaster in the uk, craziest party at suede, watching beauty and the beast 3d, cue card for laporan ketua panitia indonesian cultural night, football olympic ticket which i didnt attend, amc ticket, prom. hahaha good times.
it is not ok to dwell in the past.
the past shapes you
you are not determined by your past
instead, you are determined by what it made you become
if you are to recall the past,
recall the happy times
recall the lessons it made you learned
recall why the past is in the past
be thankful for it
The title is taken from Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. I'll get to Jane Eyre later.
So I recently watch Les Miserables. As I grow older, I cry more easily. Especially the part where Jean Valjean dying.
The story set in 19th century, in the dawn of French Revolution (if I'm not mistaken), ending in the failed June Rebellion. Jan Vanjean was convicted 20 years of jail because he stole a loaf of bread for his dying nephew. After got released, he couldn't find any honest work as no one willed to employ him. In the movie he was shown survived by foraging garbage or fodders... One night he was sleeping outside a church when a priest showed him kindness by giving him warm food and bed. Having lost faith in sincerity and mercy, that very night Vanjean stole silver utensils from the church and ran away. He got caught in the morning by the policemen. To Vanjean's surprise, instead of convicted him, the priest said that he did gave all the silver as presents for Vanjean. The priest even added that Vanjean forgot the most precious ones, which were the candlesticks. Bewildered, Vanjean cried out that God has showed him mercy through the priest. Thus, he proclaimed that he shall turn his life around, forget his past and become a new man. Through his life he worked hard, got broken hearted, and endlessly running away from Javert, the prison guard.
At the end of his life, as he took his final breath, he sang these words:
"God on high
Hear my prayer
Take me now
To thy care
Where You are
Let me be
Take me now
Take me there
Bring me home
Bring me home."
"Forgive me all my trespasses
And take me to your glory."
After long years of enduring hardships and working so hard to turn his life around, he finally came home. To His Holy Father's house.
I personally found the part of coming home to Lord Father is especially touching. It reminded me of Helen Burns, the orphaned girl in the novel Jane Eyre. Jane Eyre was sent to an orphanage, where she had one kind-hearted friend named Helen.
Jane was mistreated at home, thus she was sent away. To her story, Helen said:
"Tidakkah kau akan lebih bahagia kalau kau mencoba melupakan kegalakannya, beserta semua ledakan emosi yang menyertainya? Bagiku, hidup terlalu pendek untuk dihabiskan dengan memelihara permusuhan atau mengingat kesalahan orang lain.
Kita semua, semua orang, memang harus dibebani dengan kesalahan di dunia ini. Tetapi aku yakin akan tiba waktunya kita melepaskan beban itu dengan melepaskan tubuh kita yang bisa hancur ini."
Helen continued, "...dengan prinsip ini, pembalasan dendam tidak terlalu meresahkan hatiku, ketidakadilan tidak pernah menindasku sampai terlalu remuk. Aku hidup dalam ketentraman, menantikan akhir."
One day, Helen was very sick. Jane got a hunch and sneak in to visit Helen in the middle of the night.
"Aku datang untuk menemuimu, Helen. Kudengar kau sakit parah dan aku tidak bisa tidur sebelum menemuimu."
"Kau datang untuk mengucapkan selamat tinggal padaku, kalau begitu. Kau mungkin datang pada waktunya."
"Apakah kamu mau pergi ke suatu tempat, Helen? Kau akan pulang?"
"Ya. Ke rumahku yang abadi - rumahku yang terakhir."
Helen then told Jane that her mother died when she was little. Her father got married again and then sent Helen to the orphanage.
"Aku menghitung jam demi jam sampai tiba waktunya aku kembali kepada-Nya dan menghadap hadiratNya. Tuhan adalah bapaku. Tuhan adalah sahabatku. Aku mengasihiNya. Aku percaya Dia mengasihiku."
I'm very well aware that I am too young to think about death. It's just Les Miserables made me think about it and... I came to an obvious conclusion.
The gift of live has been bestowed unto me. I will face all kinds of challenges and miseries in the future. However, after my share of hardships, I will go home. Return to my Lord Father. It's calming, is it not? To know that you always heading to a place. That the very end is home.
Over ten thousands visitors over the last seven months. I am not a popular blogger, whatsoever. But the number seem HUGE to me. Wow. Mmm but then just now I realized the visitors might didn't exactly read my writing... Oh well. Still. I managed to keep the blog alive, albeit barely in some periods hahaha.
THANK YOU.
Whoever you might be, how seldom your visits might be.
Thank you for visiting my blog.
I have left UK for good (HUHUHUHU) since September. Means it has been almost two months since I left. Haven't posted anything because, I don't know, don't have anything I really want to write really. Been doing this and that, not much to mention here... I'm sick at the moment, that's why I have the time to make a blogpost.
Anyway.
One thing I can tell is that I have enjoyed Makassar food extremely well since I got back.
But of course there are foods of Manchie that I'm seriously craving:
- Italian BLT, wheat bread, Subway.
- Beijing Duck, Pacific.
- Five layers of chocoloate, Oxford Pub.
- Any food pub, really.
This is another pointless post. Please don't take it too seriously.
Lately I've come to like Korean entertainments: variety show, dramas, and music. I used to watch these kind of show quite often, during junior high and undergrads. K-drama, Taiwanese drama, Japanese... Then for some reason I don't watch it as much anymore.
I remember during undergrad I used to watch a variety show called Golden Bell. Watched it diligently every week on cable. It was a "cerdas cermat" kind of show. So Golden Bell team would go/invite a middle/high school, put 100 students on mat, give them 100 questions (if i remember correctly). The one student left have to answer the 100th question correctly under the golden bell, then he/she/the school would received a handsome prize. The show was impressive for me because the questions appear to be quite difficult, but the students can answer them well. And they'd do funny mini games should there were too few students left on the mat. Perhaps my memory of the game isn't quite accurate. But I do remember I like the show a lot. After the Golden Bell, there's a funny kids sitcom. I stopped watch the two shows because at one point there were no more subtitles.
Anyway. About a month ago, I was somehow in a very bad mood. I tried to watch the usual series that I love: modern family, friends, big bang theory, himym... But since I've watched all of the episodes over the years, I wasn't quite entertained. Then I remember some of my friends have recommended this Korean variety show titled "Running Man". So I tried search them on youtube. Then I watched it. What I found was: A HILARIOUS SHOW. I laughed so hard I cried. It is seriously so funny, I couldn't stop watching. One episode is quite long, about 85 mins. The show is so entertaining, with ridiculous yet very entertaining games. They put on different kinds of race and games every week, so we don't get bored watching it. There's one actor I like in particular, named Lee Kwang Soo. He always act so pitiful, but his counter attack is sharp. He spread ridiculous rumors and lately he easily betray people. I love it. I understand that he does those things for the sake of humor and damn it I'm entertained. Ok. Moving on.
After finished writing my dissertation, I decided to try watch some dramas my friends been telling me about. So I watched Love Rain and Rooftop Prince. As I've mentioned, I haven't watched k-dramas in a long time. I forget how cheesy and mushy they could be. Do you remember those old movies or serial cantik where the protagonists are shy, they can't express their feelings and all those kind of cheesy crap that we love during teenage years? Well, I do. And watching LR made me feel all nostalgic, as if I'm 13yo again with all the insecurities about romance. Not all the main characters in LR are shy and cheesy, so I think it kinda balances it. If you what I mean. Then I watched Rooftop Prince. Not as good, not that funny, but whatever it's ok. Oh. In addition, Love Rain have some serious soundtrack that makes you feel their pain. My goodness. I find the soundtrack lovely.
After I started get all excited about Running Man, I come to understand why many of my friends love k-pop idols. The likes of Super Junior, SNSD, and so on. I myself fell for Siwon SJ when I saw him on Running Man. Damn that guy is gorgeous. Anyway.
The Korean idol groups are trained for years before they make their debut. They spend those years in trained in all sorts of aspects, I assume. Singing, dancing, probably playing instruments and acting as well. Most of them are extremely good looking. That makes me think, damn it sounds like manufacturing! It seems like producing living barbie dolls. Get good looking young people, put them into years of training so they DO have singing dancing skill to some extent. Then exploit. Do massive marketing, put them in all sort of shows: variety, get them to play in dramas, and so on. Do you know you can get a HOLIDAY TOUR for concerts and drama locations? You know how people visit landmarks and museum on holiday tour. Well in Korea, you can add an idol group concert as part of your tour destination. I think that's awesome. That is utilization to the core. Add merchandising and advertising, I imagine it's worth serious money. According to wikipedia, the international activities of Korean Wave contribute billions to the South Korea economy. Again. UTILIZATION TO THE CORE.
I'm saying this with admiration. In UK they also utilize all sorts of pop culture. Beatles museums, Harry Potter studio tour, and so on. So adding concerts famous drama location as tourist spots are not exactly an original idea. But who cares? People like it and they can get profit from it. Means more jobs for the koreans, more prosperity.
Now about the idols. Teaching people to be an idol may make it sounds...for the lack of better word, manufactured. They seem like a commodity. A group of people that have been trained massively trained to become an "artist". It somehow lost the dramatization of how "artists" "seniman" supposed to make their way to be known. You know, the typical story about friends get together and start their band... but hey!! Again, this system is not exactly original since there are so so many groups that were put together through auditions and competitions. In return of being exploited, they got money and fame. Not shabby at all. Some people might say that these idols are not real artists, they are auto-tuned and so on. But if their purpose is to entertain and people are in fact entertained, then what's the problem?
So what's the problem? There is no problem. I'm merely trying to put my thoughts out there now.
But there are two things that bother me a bit.
One. Browsing the net and findings these numerous fan-sites about these idols made me realize that the word idol suits very well. These people are greatly admired by a huge number of people. They are being idolized by their fans. Now let's try to think from the agency perspective. The agencies are the people who put together these idol groups, train them, and market them. Is it possible that the agencies look at the fans as target market?
Let me paint a very exaggerated picture. So there is a huge market on "idol land", where market demands someone to be idolized. People that can be admired, to have crushed on, to be stalked upon, to be the very center of life itself! These agencies identify this opportunity, so they supply the market with the idol groups. But they want to ensure that their products, the idol groups, to have quality that can be justified. So the agency train and polish these idols-to-be. Turns out the product are hugely successful, so they exploit it more and more and more! In short, the thing that bothers me is the identification of idols demand... If these people are product of market demand, does it mean their works don't come from their heart? Hence their work isn't sincere?
Oh God. I admit, my observation of this phenomena is cynical. May be I'm too caught up with the romantic ways of "supposed artists". May be the "idol land" is the new innovative system. And I probably jumping to conclusion that their work isn't sincere. The people is the "idol land" work really really hard to make their music. But is hard work equal sincerity? I don't know. I'm not going to think about that now.
Two. My friend Kiki would tell me I'm being too serious, but it bothers me when people underestimate or even look down to korean wave. I personally think that the source of entertainment can come from anywhere. That not only Hollywood produce good quality entertainments, may it be movies, tv series, or music. I understand that many people label some countries to produce crappy music. For instance, Bollywood movies or dangdut songs. But I beg to differ. Bollywood made "3 Idiots", "Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gum" while "Kopi Dangdut" is amazing to dance to, especially in kareoke. Not only the western produce good music. And Hollywood and UK are not the only western countries, German Italy and so on also produce music and tv series and movies. Don't they? What I'm trying to say is, embrace what other countries offer for entertainment. This earth we live on is HUGE. Hence, there are millions of people try to make their movies, tv series, and music. They work hard to do so and countless of them do produce good entertainment. Including Korean drama and music. If you don't like the idol groups, well it's just a matter of taste. Doesn't mean there aren't any other type of music from Korea, does it?
I'm not imposing that everybody should like Korean wave.
If it's not too much to ask, please just don't look down to it.
Ah I've blabbered so much. Now these thoughts are out there, I don't have to think about it too much anymore. That's why I love blogging. It eases my mind off things by writing it out instead of just keeping it by myself. Don't get me wrong, though, i don't hate idol groups. I even like some of Wondergirls' songs despite how auto-tuned they sound.
That's enough nyampah for today. Let me end this post by my most recent favorite song. Cheesy by Sweet Sorrow.
Writing blog posts while listening to ballads WILL put you in melancholy.
I've bought my return ticket. My return for good ticket. Needless to say, I have mixed feelings about going home. I'm super excited to meet all my loved ones back home. However, it would be really sad to say goodbye to my friends here. Especially my classmates, whom will also return to their homes and jobs in every corner of the globe. We don't know when we'd meet again. How do you make a promise to see a friend in Nigeria in foreseeable future? I'll meet my Indonesian friends again, I'm sure. Most of them live in Jakarta, it is not that difficult to see each other in, say, next four months. But the ones in Chile, Brazil, India... I have only known them for a year. It's very short, yes. But I've spent a lot of my time with them and they are a big part of my life here. That's how life goes, I know. But I'm not made of stone, so the thought of having to say goodbye is saddening.
Another thing I'd miss is walking from WP Hall to Precinct. Not exactly the destination, but the journey...There's nothing special in Precinct, really. But you have to go there to reach Harold Hankins, where we go for Kemisan and the PGT admin is also located there. Also, I like the one long stairs that takes you three levels. That's why I use Precinct access to go to EDL or MBS PC cluster.
Nowadays, I usually walk everywhere because my bus pass has expired. Most of the time, I'd walk while listening to music. Everyday, in this past year, I'd walked four flights of stairs, pass other houses in Whitworth Park Hall, press the fob to pass the gate, and walk to wherever I need to go.
These past few days, the sky is clear. With breezy summer wind, walking with my music. It feels so good, however hipster it may sound. I will definitely miss these walks. Because I doubt I'd walk in Makassar. It's hot and mostly we drive everywhere there. You either drive, or use motorcycle, or pete2, or becak. You don't walk. I don't know whether Makassar has sidewalks or not now. But unless we do, I don't think I'm gonna walk with my earphone on like I do here.
Again, one year is a short period. But it is the one period in my life where I experience SO MUCH. I live by myself, I've met plenty good people, tried countless new things. I have spent my whole life living in the same city. Don't get me wrong, I love Makassar. I am going back and planning to spend my life there. That's what makes my one year in Manchester so special. It is the one year in which I don't live in Makassar. A whole year of all different things. It has been a wonderful year.
OK that's enough melancholy for one post hahaaha.
Here are some random pictures of street corners I usually walk through.
Gorgeous Manchester summery sky
My favorite popsicle: Calippo!!
Perfect for sunny days :D
Now that I only have few weeks left in Manchester, I want to enjoy every single day of it.
Meaning: walk while listening to music more, spend time with my wonderful friends, eat good food, and do massive downloading. I'm gonna miss the amazing internet speed so much. Hahaha.
Sekiranya ada yang biasa blog saya, maaf ya lama baru diupdate. Juni Juli kemarin adalah bulan beban bernama "THE OVERVIEW OF MAMMOGRAPHY SERVICE: THE ROLE OF INNOVATION AND SERVICE BLUEPRINTING". A.k.a my dissertation.
Now what's left is editing, finishing touches, and so on.
But the major part is done, thank God.
Emm... Dan belum di proof read juga sih, tapi tinggal itu aja.
Minggu depan proof read, abis itu dijilid, terus submit deh. Terus tenang deh. Terus pulang deh. Hehehe. Deadlinenya sih tanggal 3 September, tapi kita harus selesai sebelumnya, karena harus di kasi ke supervisor dulu, terus harus kasi ke proof reader biar perbaiki grammarnya huhuhu, terus karena mahasiswa master yang mau jilid disertasi banyak jadi proses jilid bisa makan beberapa hari. Makanya kita harus itung2 biar gak kepepet. Makanya dikejar slese nih barang sekarang. Sekarang saya AGAK lega.
Agak harus capital semua, karena saya tidak bisa bilang saya sudah sepenuhnya lega dan bahagia.
Alasannya adalah, disertasi nilainya sangat menentukan whether saya dapat gelar atau tidak. Dan di UK itu sistemnya kalau disertasi Anda tidak lulus, tidak bisa coba lagi semester depan. Kalau gagal ya gak dapat master, dikasi diploma. What. A. Terrifying thought. Tapi kita semua harus lewati. Doakan saya teman-teman... Feedback dari supervisor sejauh ini positif, jadi boleh berharap. Tapi balik lagi. Semua saya serahkan sama Tuhan Yesus. Semoga Tuhan berkati biar hasilnya baik dan saya bisa lulus. Amin.
A bit contemplating, it is amazing how His grace has helped me throughout my one year of pursuing masters degree in Manchester. During this dissertation period, I really feel His graciousness. It is beyond my expectation to be able to interview two Breast Unit Directors of NHSBSP. I believe, it is all thank to His guidance. He open doors for those who pray and try. And He didn't stop there. My supervisor is extremely helpful and very quick to response. I mean. I heard stories about busy supervisors that don't respond to emails or supervisor that wouldn't read drafts. I'm deeply grateful that everything went relatively smooth so far. There were challenges, of course. But He, Jesus, got me through it.
Which brings me to my last note, to my dear keces Karina Sampepajung who's starting her pursue of getting master degree in another part of the world.
Cik, He helps in every challenges and hardships that we face. In EVERY single one of them.
Like you said: "If He brings you to it, He'd bring you through it"
HAHAHAHAHA what a pretentious title. Naah, I can't write poems. Fear not lads and babes, I'm not gonna pretend I can write a poem, let alone an ode. This is just a regular blog post about.... Unirider!! It's the bus pass we students use throughout this past 10 months, since September 2011. Today is its last day. *sentimental song as background.*
The Unirider is a very important item, for me at least. It's much cheaper to go around the town with, compared to buying, say, weekly bus pass or daily rider. I use it to go to MBS, church, city centre, Trafford, gym, and so on and so forth. Sometimes I walk to school but other times, when I was almost late, it was snowing or raining, I use the bus.
About a month ago I lost it somehow. However, somebody returned it. That's one thing I like about UK, people return your belongings. If you left your mobile in a cafe, you could go back and still find it safely kept for you! Well I can't guarantee, but it happened to me. :)
Le Unirider of Danilela
That's not my real student card, btw. My photo for student card is hideous, it's too embarrassing even for me. So I edited it with this photo of me wearing Beatles wig doing hipster teens pose. ;)
